Ad Hominem Homonyms

 S A T I R E

 

Today I took my dog to the vet.  He did absolutely nothing to help my ailing pet, but he did tell me a bunch of war stories and about how he is being mistreated by the Veterinarians' hospital.  I immediately went to the hospital for vets and found only animal doctors roaming around with nothing to do. 

Right away after coming home, I called my rep.   He told me there were no acting roles for vets right now but to call my Rep.  I found the number for the Capitol and was connected, after some delay, to my Rep -- I thought.  The only problem was I was told today the goal was 22 and if I thought I could do that number of reps, my visit to the weight room that day was free!  I couldn't resist pumping my fist and shouting in a loud voice "Aw-right!"

It seemed that my day was ending pretty well after all until I called what I thought was my best friend's number and asked if she had any "vids."  I must have dialed the wrong number as she asked me which online bridge game I wanted to bid on.  

So I decided to call the FBI.  It must have been my unlucky day, as when I asked them are you Fed, the guy said, "Yeah, my wife is constantly telling me to go on a diet."

So I just gave up and as I was terribly sleepy I simply put this story to bed.

The moral:  Be careful how you use shortened words.  It might get you into trouble!